It’s that time again, that time of year when everything that jiggles needs to stop jiggling (apart from the arse, it’s imperative that that jiggles a bit) and gets shoved/squeezed/poured into two small pieces of stretchy lycra-y material to be paraded in the heated sun around other holiday go-ers who are doing the same. When kale and salad has been added to the weekly shopping list and you’ve started cutting down the McDonald’s trips from 3 times a week to only when you’ve had a bad day (3 days a week) or when you’re too busy to cook (5 days a week). Basically, bikini season is upon us and contrary to popular belief the most important thing about your summer beach babe look is not your body but the tiny pieces of material, which cover your private parts unless you’re visiting a nudist beach…in which case focus on your shoe choice and visit your waxer.
Assuming you’ll be frequenting non-nudist beaches, I’ve gone ahead, done the hard bit for you and picked out of you the 5 best bikinis of SS15, thank me later.
Top 5 Bikinis SS15
For all my ladies.
The Aussie brand has taken over Instagram with its perfectly simple yet effective neoprene bikinis. They just brought out the “Farrah” crocheted and neoprene bikini in “Wild Thing” (green), “Brown Sugar” (burnt orange) and “Hotel California” (blue).
Available from the Triangl website (worldwide shipping – don’t worry)
For my ladies with an athletic body.
Bikinis not made from Lycra are a thing now. The least water-resistant the bikini looks, the more ‘in’ it is right now. Kiini’s are therefore super in right now and selling out super fast.
Available from the Matches website.
For my ladies with the anaconda butt (or something close) or the big titties.
I love the double straps here, oddly enough such a simple alteration to a classic looking suit makes it 3x (approx.) sexier – very Ursula Andress.
Available from Valimare.
4. Victoria’s Secret
For my sports luxe ladies.
Victoria’s Secret have such a huge swim collection not only is it overwhelming but dangerous because “I only need one new bikini” turns into 5 being delivered to your door.
Available from Victoria’s Secret online and in stores.
5. L’Agent by Agent Provocateur
For my confident ladies.
First of all, I love this first colour combination it screams azure oceans and white sand in questionable places. Second of all, the tiny lace up strings very sexy and aren’t for the body shy – this is a bikini that you have to wear, you can’t let it wear you.
Available from L’Agent by AP.
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