Instagram makes me laugh. It’s a weird little concept – here’s your little grid on the Internet where you post pictures of your life. Sometimes it’s not your life though, there are celebrity fan accounts and companies enticing you with their coffee scrubs and hair vitamins, that use every tool in their arsenal such as this linktree alternative so they’re able to market as many products and services as they can, that they would otherwise be unable to link in their bio if they were to honor Instagrams one link per bio rule. Lest we forget the cute animal accounts (it must be done). There are some unwritten rules of Instagram though that I’ve complied here from my use of the app for the last few years:
1. Don’t free the nipple, keep your lady lumps to yourself.
2. Only post the best/most exciting parts of your life.
3. Everyone is ridiculously vain and guess what? We all love it.
4. Everyone’s an “Instagram model” – throw that ass back, throw a filter on it and fix up your face a little with FaceTune. Don’t forget to add your bookings email to your bio (lol).
5. If you’re a girl, you will get creepy, unwanted comments from creepy, unwanted guys seemingly lurking around IG.
6. It really does go down in the DMs (if you don’t know this reference – Down in The DM by Yo Gotti) *cough* James Franco *cough*
7. Some people do that annoying thing where they curate their IG based on how it looks as a grid causing many individual abstract and annoying blank pictures passing through your feed *unfollow*.
8. If someone you follow works out, you’ll know about it.
9. People are stupid.
*posts pic of P Diddy holding a woman’s leg* Comment: “is that you!?”
*posts pic of dog*
Comment: “is that you?”
10. You can spend 10 minutes coming up with a couple of words for a caption, or worse, an emoji – “Although totally irrelevant to the picture the tiny Python captures my mood in this photo.”
I love the ‘gram though, do you loves it *Paris Hilton voice*? And if you don’t already, you should totally follow me @Cassie2102 (shameless plug).
Any rules you think I’ve missed out on? Disclaimer: this post was a joke…sort of…I hope you got that.
Be So Versailles.