It’s here. The bittersweet smell of summer. Bittersweet because in the air you can smell elements of the well-wished for sunshine, which comes with perspiration, that in some instances nothing can help (I’m being real). Bittersweet like Rick Ross’ diet of pears ?- sweet because it seemed to work, bitter because it didn’t last long and also seeing him skinny was wrong. Summer is here to wreak havoc on self-esteems and skin cells, but I’m not here to tell you how healthy eating is the key to feeling great for summer (because although it may be true, I’m not about to waste my hunger on something less than tasty), I’m here to show you how you can fake it…a bit?.
Getting summer ready…by cheating.
1. Body shimmer/ skin perfector
Body shimmers are like a very well kept secret that only strippers seem to know about, and more recently the very astute famous beauty instagrammers. Here’s the trick – cover yourself in a cream/oil with light/reflecting particles and not only will you look and feel like a heavenly entity but no one will even notice the fact that you’ve been paying for your gym membership for the last three months and never visited it once…cause of the light-reflecting particles and all that ?. Tactics, my friends, tactics.
2. Cellulite treatment & Laser hair removal
Cellulite is hereditary and it’s a bitch. It’s like a sick joke from God reminding us that literally no-one can be perfect, all you need to do is open up a trashy magazine and you’ll see them circling the cellulite on literally every female celebrity. Basically, regardless of size, cellulite is something that afflicts it’s annoying wrath on everyone. But, like science seems to do, you can try to beat God at his own game – there are cellulite treatments.
Pulse Light Clinic
in London boasts this state of the art machine which applies heat and “massages” the fat cells to minimise the C word. They kindly invited me to test it out and it’s pretty cool, it also doesn’t hurt, I could have had a nice nap to be honest, it was warm and massage-y ?. Laser hair removal
is another treatment which makes your life super easy and Pulse Light Clinic
is offering all So Versailles readers 4 laser hair removal treatments on the underarms for £125.
3. Throw all cares to the wind
Say f-ck it. No I didn’t go to the gym at all this year, no I didn’t finish the course of exercise classes I bought in January, yes I ate solid food throughout my juice cleanse which defeats the point. Just goddamn own it. Don’t care, throw all insecurities to the wind and channel the caricature of yourself, who’s an unstoppable goddamn fabulous diva, your Sasha Fierce. That’s what being So Versailles is all about: be fabulous and over the top and the caricature version of yourself you wish you were, own it. There’s one thing sexier than having a hot summer body (which, by the way, is relative) and that’s owning it and oozing the confidence and self love to kill it.
Do you have any get summer ready tips? Or tips on how to fake it a little…?